It’s perplexing, the way subtle actions and movements, close observation, and the processing of these things can change the way one’s views another. How at one time I thought you were the world. You never ceased to amaze me. We were so close to being. 

Let’s go back to when I was your girl on fire. You said you only felt the warmth, the intensity. Never the burn. You told me I lit everything up, even when I was my darkest. Even when I refused to see the stars in the sky.

It’s unsettling, the way one mistake can overtake every part of your being, and make you feel as though your not worth an atom in the whole universe. Or how hearing something you were better off not can make you want to tie anchors to your limbs and dive into the deep sea. You can’t ever undo it, or unhear it. You can’t escape it. It’s then that only one way out seems to creep in your mind, over and over until you can’t unthink it. You can’t escape this either.

Let’s go back to when you told me I was dimming. No longer shining. I saw it on your face that you regretted saying it. Or maybe it was me you regretted. Me, the one thing you weren’t sure of how to get away from. You wanted me, yes, that much I know, but not only me. When did this become more worthy to me than to you? Maybe it was that way from the beginning, and I just didn’t want to see. We weren’t ever really golden.

It’s strange, to think of all the time that can pass between two beings, and yet when they see each other again, everything is the same. The numb senses, the heart strings you thought you’d cut, they are roused so suddenly, you can’t bear to say a word to one another. You can’t even look. It’s then that you realize, whenever that someone’s name was mentioned, you flinched. Whenever you found yourself in a place that holds memories of the two of you, you ache and you can’t figure out why. Why it won’t stop. Why these wounds haven’t healed, when you didn’t even realize they were wounds in the first place. 

Hidden bits. Things you wish you’d said. Things you wish you had done sooner, or at all. Found. They are found, and these are things you cannot unfind.